Sunday

Sunday was kinda a rough day for me as far as pastoring goes. I should have known it was going to be rough because when I wrote my sermon I sat back and said “Good job Tim”, I thought I was rather clever for putting together some catchy phrases that in my mind communicated some somewhat overlooked truths, not to mention my analogies which again in my mind were pretty much a photograph of what I was trying to convey. This is never a good sign, pride come before the fall much?
Then as I was showering I was thinking about someone in particular I have a rough time talking about the gospel with, in fact I generally avoid it. But God really convicted me that if I love them I need to at least attempt to communicate the truth with them. Before toweling I did the classic “Well I wont force the issue, if God wants me to talk about Jesus with them he will provide the opportunity.” Naturally I figured it would not happen. Guess who walked into church that morning? Totally through off my game, seriously the last person I expected to be there.
For the most part the beginning of the service went alright. The children’s story actually went awesome but from the beginning I knew it had been all God’s doing. As for my “brilliant sermon” it felt like wading through led. It was like nothing was coming out right, I kept on losing my place, so I got nervous and started talking faster which only compounded the problem and by the time I sat down I was just glad it was over. Comments from a couple people suggested that it was ok and in spite of me the Spirit had communicated what he wanted to, but as far I was concerned God had put me in my place and I was humbled and glad for it (in the embarrassed sort of way).
Afterwards we had a barbeque which was fun but the whole time I was trying to tell myself to be pastor like and be friendly and schmooze and such, but the entire time I could not carry on a half decent conversation. I got into a conversation where someone asked me what I did for fun, and I honestly could not think of anything, I ended up saying I just watch a lot of movies which made me feel like an even bigger anti-socialite.
I know God is moving in our little church and I know he has plans to make it grow, but it seems whenever I put my mind to it or try to do something I end up disappointed and frustrated by my own lack of enthusiasm or creativity.
I feel like I am trying to squeeze myself into some sort of mould and yet resisting it at the same time. I know moulds are dumb for the most part and I should just let go and let God do what he does, like I am going to stop him anyway. I just wish I had a better clue what I am in store for.
Ach well, time will tell. Sorry guys not a very amusing post, but whatever.